After reading the excellent book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” by don Miguel Ruiz, I can often regain my sanity in tense or anxious moments by asking myself four questions and working through the answers. The book describes the concept that we are laboring under “agreements” about reality that frame the way we view our life. These may be negative agreements about ourselves – for example, “I am a failure,” or “I’m not very attractive,” or “The world is basically against me.” If we can replace these negative agreements with more positive ones about how we choose to perceive the world, we have a greater hope for inner peace and serenity. The four general principles or agreements that can lead to a saner life are:
1. Speak impeccably. In other words, don’t gossip, don’t spread untruth, consider more often the option of silence rather than speaking negatively or excessively.
2. Don’t take things personally. It is not all about you. Typically, other people’s actions are not centered around you, caused by you, or your fault, but are driven by their own inner consciousness and have nothing to do with you. (I am always amazed at the incredible depth and complexity inside each human being, so much more than can be seen from the surface. Sometimes when I am walking in a crowded place like an airport, I am in awe of the variety and complexity of individuals surrounding me and incredible value in each human being I encounter. There is so much more there than we can ever know.)
3. Don’t make assumptions. Do not assume that you understand the motivations of another individual. When in doubt, come right out and ask. Communication almost always increases understanding between people and makes tense situations better.
4. Do your best. This means that you strive to neither under perform in laziness, nor over perform to the point where there is no balance in life and burnout follows. Find the best balance for sustainable effort in all you strive to do.
Many times when I’ve been stressed, hurt, anxious, or downright afraid about either work or home situations, I have applied the above four agreements and immediately found myself freed from obsessive negative feelings and recognizing ways to move forward.
1 comment:
This book was recommended to me recently as a good gift for my father, who tends toward the negative view of life. I have bought the book and am now eager to read it over the holiday break...before sending a copy to my dad. Crossing my fingers that it might make a real difference in the way he views the world. I suspect it will make it's mark on me too.
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