Today is Neil Young’s 79th birthday. A friend reminded me recently of his wistful song “Heart of Gold,” which I listened to over and over again in the 70s. Hearing it again now, I’ve realized it’s not merely about his longing, but also contains insights into the reasons it’s been so hard for him to find his heart of gold.
“I wanna live, I wanna give
I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold
It’s these expressions I never give
That keep me searchin’ for a heart of gold”
“I’ve been in my mind, it’s such a fine line,
That keeps me searchin’ for a heart of gold”
I think I want to have a word with Neil, even though he hasn’t asked me for my thoughts on this and I’m betting he probably already knows everything I want to tell him, seeing as how he wrote the song in the first place.
But here’s what I’d say:
What is a heart of gold, anyway? Kindness? Unconditional love (a two-edged sword indeed for the heart in question as it can imply an arrangement where all the giving is one-way)? Is the golden heart the kind that hangs in there for the long haul after the thrill of being “in love” fades?
I see the grizzled Old Man on Neil Young’s ranch taking a look under the hood of his beloved 1948 Buick Roadmaster hearse for which he wrote the tribute “Long May You Run.” The old man mutters, “well here’s your problem right here.”
Maybe you don’t recognize a heart of gold when you see it, Neil. Maybe you’re afraid to express your deepest feelings well enough to be heard by somebody out there with a heart of gold—because expressing your feelings has ended badly in the past.
Or, maybe you’re using that excellent brain of yours to keep overthinking it, drawing and redrawing the fine line that keeps you looking for a shinier, more perfect and self sacrificing heart of gold.
Or, that uneasiness while you’re searching creeps over you, in those early days of an encounter when the balance of connection is so precarious. Who reaches out first? Whose turn is it now? Where is it written that there are turns?
Or, maybe there are so many golden hearts, so little time.
Maybe in fact what you need is an equal. Somebody who loves you as you are, who’s willing not only to give you love, but also fully expecting to receive it. Someone who’s willing to give you the space to truly find your heart’s desire.
