Deer Valley Road After Christmas

On the day after Christmas the sun is brilliant on the new snow and the sky is Colorado blue. I dress in numerous layers against the 10-degree chill and pocket my camera. The snow is crisp under my boots and makes that crick-crick sound as I head uphill, across Broadway, up Dartmouth to Deer Valley Road. On the way up an elderly lady ventures carefully down her drive and onto the newly shoveled sidewalk in front of her house, walking stick in hand. We say hello and agree that it is a fine morning if you don’t have to shovel. I tell her of my plan to take some pictures of the snow-covered foothills further up. She is impressed that I have already walked this far up the steep hill from the other side of Broadway. Her son is coming to get her in awhile and they plan to drive around taking pictures.

As she ventures further along the sidewalk I say, “Be careful on the snow.”

She says, “That’s what this is for,” and smiles as she gestures with the walking stick. “Have a good day, my dear.”

And with that benediction from a wise woman, I feel blessed. I wish I could sit down with her over a cup of tea and have a long conversation and learn all she has to tell me. One day will a young woman somewhere wish that about me? I continue to the top, and the foothills are beautiful, covered in thick white. The camera can never capture the sparkle of sunlight on snow but I try anyway.

Joggers and dogwalkers join me in admiring the beauty of the day. I have discarded my sunglasses because I want to soak up every bit of sunlight possible. I walk back down the hill to Caffe Sole and order a skinny latte, double shot, in a real glass. I like Caffe Sole because it is not a chain, so it has little unique touches like a self-serve “express coffee” station with a hand-lettered sign posting prices for various sizes and $1.25 if you have your own cup, with a jar where you leave your money on the honor system. Two guys sit next to me over coffee discussing an on-line business venture. Two women my age at a nearby table are having a heartfelt conversation and seem to be enjoying each other’s company. A very beautiful young woman with long blonde hair wearing a gray knit cap with a bill talks to a besotted young man who wears his hair burr short with several tiny braids sprouting from the back of his head.

I feel very present, and suddenly am sure that any fear or sadness I feel is purely my own doing. If I can just stay awake and remember that one idea, I will be so much happier in 2008. So much more will seem possible. I am getting some perspective with my time off, apparently. Reading “The Four Agreements” again is helping – it still makes a lot of sense, even though the style seems kind of rough around the edges.

How I Stay Sane, Part II – The Four Agreements

After reading the excellent book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” by don Miguel Ruiz, I can often regain my sanity in tense or anxious moments by asking myself four questions and working through the answers. The book describes the concept that we are laboring under “agreements” about reality that frame the way we view our life. These may be negative agreements about ourselves – for example, “I am a failure,” or “I’m not very attractive,” or “The world is basically against me.” If we can replace these negative agreements with more positive ones about how we choose to perceive the world, we have a greater hope for inner peace and serenity. The four general principles or agreements that can lead to a saner life are:

1. Speak impeccably. In other words, don’t gossip, don’t spread untruth, consider more often the option of silence rather than speaking negatively or excessively.
2. Don’t take things personally. It is not all about you. Typically, other people’s actions are not centered around you, caused by you, or your fault, but are driven by their own inner consciousness and have nothing to do with you. (I am always amazed at the incredible depth and complexity inside each human being, so much more than can be seen from the surface. Sometimes when I am walking in a crowded place like an airport, I am in awe of the variety and complexity of individuals surrounding me and incredible value in each human being I encounter. There is so much more there than we can ever know.)
3. Don’t make assumptions. Do not assume that you understand the motivations of another individual. When in doubt, come right out and ask. Communication almost always increases understanding between people and makes tense situations better.
4. Do your best. This means that you strive to neither under perform in laziness, nor over perform to the point where there is no balance in life and burnout follows. Find the best balance for sustainable effort in all you strive to do.

Many times when I’ve been stressed, hurt, anxious, or downright afraid about either work or home situations, I have applied the above four agreements and immediately found myself freed from obsessive negative feelings and recognizing ways to move forward.