Memory

In the second season of the television show Heroes, a major theme continues to be memories: “Memories are what make us human.” One hero has lost his memory. Another can steal memories. A third character is threatened with the horror of having his happiest memories obliterated: the day he met his wife, his wedding day, the memories of a daughter who has died.

In the movie Vanilla Sky, the main character David, after several perplexing experiences, ends up realizing that he has willingly given up terrible memories to live a “Lucid Dream,” but like any technology, this one is has glitches and he is left to the mercy of “Tech Support.”

Yes, memory is a two-edged sword. You may wish to expunge terrible (or merely mortifying) memories, but what will the unintended consequences be? And who would we be without our memories? One of the greatest fears as we age is that our memory will fade.

Memory and thoughts have an enormous impact on state of mind and well being. As I read more about meditation and mindfulness I’m noticing how much of the time my mind can be seized by images, earworms and whole trains of thinking that are trivial, painful, obsessive, repetitive, unproductive.

It is like suddenly noticing a background sound that has gradually increased to the point of a dull roar; as it finally reaches your consciousness it is suddenly excruciating.

Often my attempts at meditation remind me of a birds trapped indoors, battering themselves against the daylight from outside windows, trying to get free. Past memories that bring sorrow, future fears that bring anxiety. It is amazing how difficult it can be to focus on the here and now.