Do Not Go Gentle...

E-mail over the weekend reveals that several family members are struggling with how best to support their parents through the last years of their lives. Mothers and fathers in their 70s and 80s are confused and angry, sometimes fighting tooth and nail for what they view to be that last ounce of dignity or choice in their lives.

My husband and I are reminded of one of the most famous poems ever written, by Dylan Thomas: “Do not go gentle into that good night.” He wrote the poem for his dying father as is clear from the last stanza.

The poem begins:

“Do not go gentle into that goodnight,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

From my own experience losing my parents a few years ago it is hard to know which is more difficult: when they are raging against the loss of all they knew of life – or when you can see in their eyes that they are starting to fade away. Dylan Thomas’s wishes come clear at the end of the poem:

“And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

We all hope for a quiet end with dignity and without suffering, in peace and knowing we did the best we could. But most of that is luck, and meanwhile we do the best we can to help those we love at the end of their journey.