What Not to Say

“Silence is the true friend that never betrays.” - Confucius

Silence is underrated. I’m a very verbal person so I almost always have something to say. I have been focusing more lately on examining things I want to say and following Sai Baba’s mindful recommendation:

"Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve the silence?"

I believe this is a great approach to apply especially in cases where you are struggling to let go—of a grown child who is making his or her own way, of an employee who is smart enough to know what she’s doing and rarely needs your guidance, or of a loved one who is standing strong after a rough period.

In each case, saying less rather than more contributes to their growing strength and self-confidence. Unsolicited advice is an example of “helping” that doesn’t really help, and is one of my worst vices. Advice on every topic comes spewing out of me like a Gulf Bay gusher, and once it starts up it’s hard to cap. I need the Kevin Costner solution—some kind of machine that chugs away efficiently separating the messy, oily crap from the clear ocean water of support and love.

When I’m in doubt, I have found that staying silent listening carefully is often the best course; it’s amazing how much I learn that I didn’t understand before. Try it. Oops – that may have been unsolicited advice. Oh well.